Our Anti-Thanksgiving Thanklist

You may or may not know that we here at jerk/doublebitch are not of the American persuasion but there’s no doubt that American television has effects that ring around the world.  I’m up way too early to watch parades that don’t make any sense to me.  The balloons are cool but up here? Santa gets his own parade that he only has to share with upside down clowns walking on their hands, not a turkey and a hundred giant balloons.  Rant aside, we’ve decided to celebrate our lack of holiday today by writing up our Anti-Thanksgiving Thanklist.  It’s exactly what it sounds like, the list of stuff we’re not thankful for.

anti-thank-lanaDB: Lana Lang and her terrible haircut’s return to a town and a show that was doing just fine without her.  Clark Kent finally quit being a pansy and was starting to have some chemistry with a woman on the show that wasn’t the ever out of reach Chloe.  I didn’t miss the barn scenes, and I really didn’t miss the faces she makes and the overly dramatic way she speaks like God put her on earth to be the object of everyone’s affection.  The world of Smallville that required Lana Lang is long gone, in fact it ended years ago somebody just forgot to tell her.  Do we really have to see her four more times?

anti-thank-reaperJ: Reaper not being back on the air yet. I don’t think the CW has given us any information on the second season of Reaper since the Upfronts, when it was suggested that the show would take Smallville’s place while it was on mid-season break. Well, as of this week Smallville’s on break, and we’ve yet to hear a single thing about the return of Sam, Sock and Ben. Why must you be so cruel, CW? You tell us how Ashton Kutcher is making you a show about the dark side of professional modelling (which I certainly wasn’t waiting to hear about), but you can’t even give us a return date for Reaper?

anti-thank-sad-deanDB: Sad Dean.  I’m not going to bitch about where Master Kripke has taken the show, I think it’s perfect but I’m Anti-Thankful for sad, broken Dean.  He’s crying and pity sleeping with angels, he’s fighting with Sammy and is generally just really lost.  Hell broke him and I’m so sad.  It’s like how most people would say if they could wish away cancer they would?  Me?  I’d probably wish away all the broken that came upon Dean in hell.  It’s okay Dean, we forgive you.  Let’s hug it out.

anti-thank-izzieJ: Izzie Stevens. No. Just no. What’s that? You’re in love with George? No. Oh, You’re practicing people medicine on a deer? No. Seeing Denny again? No. Izzie has contributed nothing good to the show since season two, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she sucked then too, but the aura of awesome coming off of JDM hid that fact from us. Hurry up and catch brain death, or kiss a girl or something, so you can leave the show.

DB: Oooh good burn.

J: It’s like they plotted out a good character, and then gave all the notes on Izzie to their new writer, Bizarro.

anti-thank-eli-stoneDB:  ABC Canceling Eli Stone.  This is not a show I would have guessed would even be on the chopping block right now.  It’s like the people who make up the schedules don’t even watch the shows that are on them.  This show was solid and always entertaining.  For something I thought was one of the best shows of last year, it’s a shame to see it gone so soon.  I’m sure they’ll fill it’s spot with something else that will be canceled.  Sometimes you have to have a little faith in something for it to hit it’s full potential.  Mostly I’ll miss all the George Michael.

anti-thank-bsgJ: The massive gap between the two halves of Battlestar’s final season. This isn’t the first huge break the series has had, either. There was the massive wait between the halves of season two, and then the full year between the end of season three and the beginning of four. Now I realize that the show requires time and effort, and that they don’t want to rush it. But I’d like to present the counterargument of I wannntt it nooowwwwww!!! It will have been five years since the miniseries came out in a few days.

-Jerk & DoubleBitch

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~ by doublebitch on November 27, 2008.

2 Responses to “Our Anti-Thanksgiving Thanklist”

  1. If I were an angel, I’d bang Dean to make him feel better. Hell, I’d bang him to make myself feel better.

  2. always looking out for the good of others. You’re a saint. Oh I wonder if they’d sleep with a saint..

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